is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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