she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Buhtt sex?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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