just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
