hell yes lets make some ravioli
Say something about gay babies.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
