So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
