She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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