my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
