In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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