census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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