my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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