what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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