Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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