i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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