No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
