Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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