I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
