remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
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someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
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She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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