after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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