like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
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I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
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He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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