idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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