I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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