Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
