I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
