you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
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Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
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He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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