i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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