i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
