I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
