Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
