hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
