# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
