why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
