So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize