i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
