If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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