does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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