I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
