Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
