i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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