This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
