Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
