I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
