i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
