I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
