Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
