the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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