And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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