He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
