you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
