i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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