I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You are the jesus of drinking
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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