Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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