That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
