you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize