Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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