Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I checked into jail on foursquare
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to calm my uterus...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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