Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
