we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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