You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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