even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
