We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
