white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Hippo gnu deer
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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