matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
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I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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