do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
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If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
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DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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