Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
