Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
