i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
