Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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