6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Houston, we have a blender
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I stole a fireplace last night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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