I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
