How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
