CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
