I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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