Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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