Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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