There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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