Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
