could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just gargled with NyQuil
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
