Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
