Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
