You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize