dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
